What do you think of when you hear the words, performance orientation?
Did you know that there is an evil spirit whose specific job is to promote performance orientation and perfectionism in whatever person it is assigned to? It works in tandem with a critical spirit.
I have been harassed by that evil spirit especially in a certain area of my life–playing the piano. I really feel prompted to share the story with you.
I have taken piano lessons since I was seven years old. I practiced diligently. I wouldn’t say I was super talented–more just the only child at home bored with nothing else to do. I went through a structured conservatory. I had tests almost every year. These tests were in front of adjudicators and judges who wrote down comments and gave me percentage scores. I went through 10 grades and then a final difficult exam on performance, teaching, history, harmony, etc. that gave me an Associates degree in music from this conservatory. It was a strict regimen with serious rights and wrongs. It was definitely all about the right way to play piano, the performance, the perfecting of skills and the high test scores. I practiced the concept of ‘performance orientation’ all my childhood, daily, from age 7 to 19. The correct way to play the piano was ingrained in me. Ironically as my skill increased, the joy of playing an instrument decreased, and the criticism of my playing increased. It wasn’t the teacher’s fault, nor the conservatory’s error nor my parent’s oversight. It was me allowing the whispers of the spirit promoting performance orientation, perfectionism, to rob me of the freedom to have joy in my skill. Sadly I bought into the worldly system of pride.
Have you ever experienced this in an area of your life?
Here’s the wonderful thing! I was freed from piano performance orientation!
Recently I shared a blog about a time in my life where I experienced what felt like a baptism of love. If you missed that blog, it actually is the beginning of this story: https://jackienalos.home.blog/?p=3185
During that season of Jesus’ love washing over me, one afternoon I was playing the piano, eyes on the notes of a classical piece of music. When I finished, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Just play without music. Play anything, not a song you know, but just play the piano.”
Well, my response was, “I can’t.” You see I needed music to play the piano. I could play a little bit by ear if it was an easy hymn or known chorus. I could make up a children’s song however I was doing that intellectually knowing what chords go together. But to just sit down, relax, let the music flow out of my soul and into my fingers–no, I had never done that and I knew that I could not–I did not have that skill, ability or talent. That’s why when the Holy Spirit said to just play, I said I couldn’t. I was being truthful not humble.
So the Holy Spirit said, “I am going to give you a gift. I’m going to give you freedom in your piano playing. Just go ahead and play. Try it out. It is from me. It will banish the enemy as you just let the music flow. There is no right or wrong. There is no expectation. Just play. It is a gift from Me.“
I know that sounds amazing and wonderful as you read it but to me who heard it, it was a little terrifying. It would require courage. I was programmed to do things ‘correctly’ and right way to play. I must confess I hesitated in doubt and unbelief. As I recall I think the Holy Spirit had to speak the offer at least one more time before I would try what He was saying.
But finally I moved forward and slowly and tentatively began to play. I just moved my fingers, without the intellectual critique of my brain and when it sounded dissonant and not right, I just played those same sounds again and made it sound like it was done on purpose and then moved on. Just like He said, there was no right and no wrong. It actually sounded beautiful. I shared my story with my husband who, of course, had never heard me play like this before, and he liked it and said it was like playing the piano in tongues! What an incredible gift of love the Lord gave me. He healed me of performance orientation on the keyboard and gave me this beautiful freeing gift of music! Thank you Jesus! It actually transferred to my flute playing as well. It was a big blessing when I was playing on the worship team.
Sadly, I must confess to you, I was not faithful with this gift. I was not like “Old Faithful Geyser” in the photo.
I know how important stewardship is. We must steward the precious gifts the Lord gives us.
I often heard prompts, “Play the piano every day.” I knew what He meant yet I did not obey.
Maybe you have a gift that the Lord has given you? Maybe you, like me, have not been faithful in the long run to steward that gift?
Praise God that He forgives and gives us second chances!
That’s why I’m writing this blog today. I heard His prompt to play a few days ago and finally I obeyed. As I was playing, I sensed Him saying, “I am listening! You are playing for Me. I’m sitting right here listening. I love what you are playing and I’m not critiquing it.”
And that’s why we do anything as believers. We do it for the audience of One–Jesus!
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.1 Corinthians 10:31
Those people honor me who give me offerings to show thanks..
Psalm 50:23
More about Performance Orientation: click on the arrow
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Credit to Pixabay for blog photos.
Performance Orientation summary taken from: https://www.studocu.com/en-us/messages/question/6654925/what-is-performance-orientation#:~:text=Performance%20orientation%20is%20a%20concept,of%20their%20competence%20or%20ability.
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