Oh God, I dislike being vulnerable and it’s one of your favorite things Lord.
Okay, here goes. I want to talk about marriage. I want to talk about marriage and its beginnings. The beginning of how you and your spouse met is so important. The start of your relationship and how your marriage began is so crucial for longevity. I will share my example and maybe it will help you will see this amazing secret and truth.
My husband Richard and I had this cool love story meeting. He wrote a story about it and I’m going to post it on my blog someday soon. He was 19 and I was 17. But when we met he had rather abandoned his childhood church upbringing. I had just decided to return to Jesus, after confusion and rebellion, but I didn’t have a mentor to help me and disciple me in my new life. Richard knew right away that he wanted to marry me. I was a person that was easily swayed but also I knew I liked him better than anyone I had ever met. We soon realized we loved each other. We ended up deciding that marriage was just a piece of paper. As long as you had “commitment to each other”—that was the thing that counted. He had commitment to me, and I to him, so why couldn’t we begin the physical part of our ‘marriage’ right away? It was all before God. I even looked up Bible verses that seemed to say that. But because I wasn’t ‘looking’ at God, but at this wonderful hunk of a guy before me, I didn’t really ‘see’ what the Bible said or what Holy Spirit was saying to me. I also didn’t ask for any counsel. I was looking for ‘rules’ instead of talking to my Heavenly Father in relationship. (Galatians 5).
So we began a hot and heavy physical relationship, knowing that someday we would get married. We thought that the nice thing about finally getting married was that we would get to sleep overnight together. And about a year later, we did have a very lovely wedding and began our lives together. We took a ferry from Vancouver, British Columbia to Gibsons where there was a greater family cabin. Our first shopping list as a married couple was marshmallows, peanut butter, hot dogs, and hot dog buns! Why are you laughing? Our first thing we did together at the cabin was clean out the moldy fridge. We didn’t even care when a mouse ran over our bed that first night—we were finally married!! We loved each other so much and we had so many things in common.
Eventually though, as the years passed, and in the complications of ministry, family, work and married life, it didn’t feel to each of us that we really ‘loved’ each other, and it did not feel like we had things in common. I kept feeling like my husband was piercing me with his words and actions, and he felt I was way too sensitive, critical and serious. One evening that I remember, I was crying, feeling hurt and just overwhelmed. I got on my knees by the side of the bed and told God, “I’m not leaving here until You solve this.” Well, I stayed on my knees a long time but of course I finally had to get up and put the kids to bed and get some sleep myself. But God heard our hearts’ cry. What came up for us, what Holy Spirit reminded us of, was the origin of our marriage. We had started our relationship our own way, not God’s way. I can’t remember how Holy Spirit told us about this, but I remember both of us sensed that it was time to repent and begin again. (People were probably praying for us.) So about ten years into our marriage, with both of us being in ministry, in missions, we, in agreement, knelt by the bedside and admitted our error, told God we had been wrong and we were sorry. We did not begin our relationship by following the lead of Holy Spirit, but used our intellect and own ideas, twisting the truths of the Bible. Kneeling together in forgiveness and confession was a simple yet humbling thing to do. We didn’t feel any lightening bolts or Spirit-rain pour on us in our bedroom. Nope. It was just a heart-felt prayer that felt peaceful. However something broke off that night. A door that had let in bad stuff got closed. We forgave each other our beginning and asked God to forgive us. We hooked back up with God’s plan for our marriage. We chose to believe that He just plain forgave us and made it all as if we had done it right, (Galatians 5). It was the blessing, forgiveness and power of the cross of Jesus that just opened up the good doors for us being okay, and good stuff and God’s mercy to come through to us. And, here we are! We are on the 50th year. Thank you Jesus! Praise God!
So, do you see one of the truths? How a relationship began is important. If it didn’t begin by following Holy Spirit’s directions for God’s plans, then an evil door got opened for the enemy to harass this relationship. It’s a secret biblical principal. It’s sort of like, what you sow you reap, only in a couple-context. If two people start with one controlling the other, then this plagues the marriage. If a couple started by stealing a husband from his wife, then this betrayal goes somewhere through the years. If you were lied to, then dishonesty harasses. If you pretended to be something you weren’t, then pretense continues to knife the bonding. We have to forgive each other for this stuff, and ask God to forgive us for not following His Holy Spirit. Ask God to close the bad door and open up the blessings door. Through repentance, forgiveness and faith, it can be made as if we did it right. (Galatians 5)
I ask you now. How did your relationship begin? How did your marriage start? Were you like me and doing things your own way? Is there something that you need to talk to God about? I encourage you to talk to each other about this and then together talk to God about it. Make a new fresh beginning on your knees like we did? A restart is possible because of Jesus who came and died on the cross to take away our junk, and give us a blessed marriage. He is so glad to do that through repentance, forgiveness and acceptance! I wish that for your marriage. Then both of us couples can look forward to 50 years and more!
Epilogue: If you, like me, asked God for a restart, then I’d love to recommend to you a powerful prayer that I found. I pray it often and God just pours more blessing on our already beautiful marriage. God hears the prayers of our humble hearts and He is so happy and faithful to bless us even more–even more for a good marriage! Here’s the prayer:
Prayer for our Marriage
Loving Abba, I thank You for Your perfect plan for our marriage. I know that a marriage functioning in Your will is fulfilling and beautiful. I bring our marriage before You that You might make it all that You desire it to be. Please forgive me for my sins of failure in our marriage [specify]. In the name of our Master Yahushua the Messiah, I tear down all of the evil one’s strongholds designed to destroy our marriage. In Yahushua’s name, I break all relationships between us that have been established by the evil one and his demons. I will accept only those relationships established by You and the blessed Ruach ha Qodesh.(Holy Spirit) I invite the Ruach to enable me to relate to [spouse’s name] in a manner that will meet her/his needs. I submit our conversation to You that it may please You. I submit our physical relationship to You that it may enjoy Your blessing. I submit our love to You that You might cause it to grow and to mature. Abba Yahuwah, I desire to know and experience in marriage the fulness of Your perfect will. Open my eyes that I might see all areas where I am deceived. Open [spouse’s name’s] eyes that he/she might see any of the evil one’s deceptions upon her/him. Make our union to be the Messiah-centered and blessed relationship You have designed in Your perfect will. I ask this In the name of our Master Yahushua the Messiah. Omain!
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